This is not an excuse.

Dear Blog-

I am neglectful. I am ignoring you. This is where I give you the old cliche of it's not you, it's me. You may have a hard time believing this, but I have been very busy shopping.

Yes, as a mater of fact I do hear the collective sigh from both this url as well as my server. Go ahead, sigh away.

So, where was I? Shopping, yes. And not even for Christmas. Because, remember? I am neglectful. We can go ahead and add selfish in my list of names.

So with that, dear blog, I apologize, while wearing my new shoes.

XOXO,
Traci

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Purging of texts, kinda like texts from last night, but I am not 19 and an asshole.

from 512: you should stop using your fake eyelashes on your son. It's kinda wrong.
713: as a mater of fact we don't need to talk, he has every NFL game offered on Sirus and I have a air card in my laptop.
973: then she said, 'no Brian. You can't have a pickle. You have a pool in your back yard, go home and eat your own food.'
713: I am laughing so hard right now. She will grow up to make some man's life really difficult some day.
973: still can't use 'LOL' can you?

512: It worked! It worked! The drapes match the carpet now!!
713: you didn't mean to text me did you....

512: I don't mind flying alone, but flying without you to help make fun of people is the airport just sucks.

973: we nominate you, Traci, to host an adult Halloween party.
713: Um, if you mean pumpkin shaped vibrators, I am out. If you mean costume part, I am in!


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Dear glutes, quads, tri's, bi's and delts-

(that's fancy fitness talk for butt, thighs, triceps and bicepts, and shoulders) I am sorry. But you really should have had that Come To Jesus with the back fat. I said, the next time I spied it in the mirror you would all pay the price. Which really just means I am paying the price. But whatev. I won't have that nonsense going on back there.

truthfully yours,
me

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Dear visitors of SAM-

You all aught to know that the birthday extravaganza is in full effect. And this year, in celebration of the beginning of my 3rd decade, I will celebrate for 11 days. Yes, as a mater of fact this is all because of my parents. They really should have stopped with the circus and parade they gave me for my 10th birthday. The trips to Spain were a little over kill and for the rest of his breathing years, Mr.T will forever have the duty of living up to such fan fare. It's not an easy life, but someone has to live it.

I'm offering no excuses.

Traci

Now, I am Just Pissed

You know that scene in Willy Wonka, the old movie, not the new one with a creepy Johnny Depp- that incidentally-my husband said I looked just like last week since getting blunt bangs and a cropped bob and I just happened to be wearing white sunglasses.

The old one, when Veruca Salt starts singing my theme song:

"I want the world
I want the whole world
I want to lock it
All up in my pocket
It's my bar of chocolate
Give it to me now.........Don't care how, I want it now
Don't care how, I want it now"

I feel the same way right now. I am bent as shit that with 555 post, running syndiation on NJ Mom's and my very own URL I haven't gotten a single Troll. Acorrding to wikipedia, it's the cornerstone of popularity. I mean, I have written a controversially. I wrote a whole post about hating Disney which is the Mommy Blogs equivalent of being a part of the Must Drown Kittens or Michael Vick Fan Club.

And what do I need to do to be on someones twitter list. Like Marinka is on Avitables, but maybe classier. Like 'people who have great clothes' or something a tad less narcissitic like 'as@es* that stay in tact after children'.

I mean, besides actually getting onto Twitter.



*my search hits including a$$ in the title is really just getting to offend me. I may need to get a new web page and title. How do I stop being the first on Google searched for a%$?

Halloween, The Mensa Edition

Me: "I don't understand how you and your friends roll. My goal every Halloween is to have a costume that everyone knows what it is and I don't have to answer the question 'what are you?'"

Lindsay: "This is the cerebral set, yo. We pick costumes that entertain us."

The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.*

I shake my foot compulsively as I click through page load after page load.

The nervous energy trying to escape from the tip of my stiletto doesn't leave my body but makes a u turn and travels back up my spinal column and repeats.

I don't know the answer I am looking for, I am not even sure of the questions I want to ask my daughters school.

My gut just says something is not right.

Though my heart knows nothing is wrong.

And it's tricky and complex.

Missy B is smart. I have no doubt about that. But for the last 9, almost 10 years, I knew her intelligence wasn't limited to a passion for reading, science and math. There would be a problem with her being 1)a first born female and 2)stubborn as hell. You're kidding yourself if you think those don't play a part in the development of the young brain. Her social skills aren't like mine, they are more similar to her fathers. Which is not to say it's a bad thing, but for a bright young lady, indifference and inability to accept people, sometimes, will make for challenging rudimentary years. She is a firm believer in loyalty and has no tolerance for anything less than 110% dedication. May it be in school, athletics or friends. Add to this an overly confident girl and you can have a recipe for disaster. Throwing in puberty and typical surroundings never hurt in the drama department. I know her, and I know the best is seen when she is challenged.

Emails have been exchanged and words expressed in short time settings like:

"I know she is a tad bored, as I see her reading ahead of the class. She tends to get off on tangents and theories or practices. To say she reads a lot is an understatement. We are working on her staying with the classes time schedule and not her own."

And from my own:

"Does it really mater if I do my homework now, or when I wake up? If it only takes me 10 minutes I'd rather read now and do it later."

I know her teacher and school are good. Excuse me, they are incredible. I know it.

What I don't know, is if this is the right kind of incredible for my kid.

So my foot will nervously tap, today in heels just coming from church. Tomorrow in Tory Burch flats while I sit in an admissions department office. Later that night in slippers as I research more. The following day in her schools guidance office with a litany of questions/scenarios on paper, shaking steadily while it rests on my lap.

My foot will tap while I try to find the right kind of challenge for my child. Even if that means I sell my flats and stilettos to make the tuition payments at The Peck School.


*John Powell quote

Overheard:The School Yard

Amy: "I spend all my time at the Short Hills Mall on shopping for my kids. I bought them all Uggs and North Face coats the first day of school when I was supposed to be jean shopping for myself!"

Kate: "Me, too. I have got to start shopping for myself!"

Me: "Uh...not I. I shop for me to my kids 2:1"

Them, simultaneously: blank glazed stare.

Me: "Look, kids are already cute. I always invest in good quality clothes for them both, but they are easy. I, on the other hand take more effort. Makeup, hair, shoes, ACCESSORIES....I can't just throw this together, you know." I said with very standard sarcasm.

Amy: "And I used to have a hard time imagining you being a Mean Girl."

A Few Mentionables.

My credo is as follows: Instant Gratification. I use what I buy immediately, I wear what I purchase sometimes on my way out of the store. I can't wait for a 'perfect moment' because every second of my life is deserving of something championing and beautiful. I don't save good perfumes for special occasions, I don't hold off my favorite stilettos for a night on the town. I often times wear them to the market, because some days just call for it.

I am collector. I pick up things that spark my fancy from everywhere. May it be costume jewelry from Forever 21 or a big ticket item I cash in entire Trifecta Gift Wishes. I am most certainly not disparaging. Being the generous person I am, I will share with you my favs.




The most adorable black Parisian jacket

It's crisp, trendy and not too much money if you decide it doesn't work for you. I would suggest not baring your midriff should you live some place a jacket is actually required.

I love Aveda products, mainly because they all have that patchouli hippy scent that is so Austin to me and just brings me home. This hair phomollient smells so awesome, not like flowers or flavored teas, it just smells like hair product should. It makes me hair bounce and did I mention it smells like home?

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The most perfect white watch.



It's not exactly the 10G white ceramic rolex, but it is a close runner up. and? I can bathe the dog or wash bras while wearing this and I won't freak out. And was numero dos on the Trifecta wish list and TADA! Might I remind you-the list works. I'm happy and he is happy.


POMEGRANATES, I love Fall for these!!
Have you never bought one? Don't know what to do with it? The little jewel looking gems inside are tart and tangy and a beautiful accompaniment to any salad or cupcake. Just slice in half, place in a bowl and colander of cool water, separate the pulp, which will float and then spoon out of the bowl, and put the seeds to use. I promise no fondant cupcake will be prettier than a Betty Crocker strawberry cupcake topped with these.

The most perfect fall bag



While in Greece, at the Astir Palace, there was a boutique in the resort. I spotted this Valentino bag. I called Mr.T over to the window and began waving furiously at this bag. Mouthing 'Please? I will sell the kids or my car if I can just get this bag?' and he popped his head in the doorway to ask how much. 'It's just 8,000 euros!' to which he said 'That's 16,000 DOLLARS, kindly getoutofthestore!' Low and behold, I come home with all the pouting Continental would check without charging an extra bag fee and I found this Big Buddha bag. You know I had that thing ordered in a hot second and you spent more last week in your basket at Target then the cost of my new purse. Holy LOOK ALIKE! I totally leave this bag on my bed side table so it's the first and last thing I see every day. What can I say? It's love.

Last year I was a slave for JBrand boot cut, twisted seam Kat. But this year I am all about The Hottest Jeans. True Religion Disco Joey are so elegantly slimming, those longish pockets? To make anyone's butt look amazing. I am passionate about great fitting jeans.

Which accompany my favorite boots or flats so well:


And last but not least: THREADING.
I got into this when I noticed my little sisters eyebrows were looking FAB a few years back. And you must know, she is one of those women with difficult hair, it's thick and dark and now they are perfection. It's quick, clean and my face never has that tale tell redness from wax. Plus? You would be hard pressed to spend more than $4 to get it done.

Aside from these material things, I am very grateful for a few things as well. Like unlimited long distance to keep in touch with friends and family. Those same friends and family who use their vacation time and money to fly out to celebrate my birthday with me. The electricity in my house and Mr.T for paying that bill. Because God knows should something happen to him, I wouldn't even know who to call to find out how to keep the damn service on...

Gossip Girl on Monday's and Glee on Wednesdays give me something to look forward to after the kids go to sleep.

And the rain, oh thankyousweetBabyJesus for the rain. After all that time in the yard on the Great Stupidity Project Of 2009, the hose and all of my sprinklers spontaneously broke.

"I get older, they stay the same age. "

The first half of reapplying to college was easy as I could hide in the confines of my very mature and adult looking life, nobody had to know that I was a former college drop out over the phone. Nobody had to know that while requesting high school transcripts, I had previously told my dad, some 11 years before, that I wasn't in college for my MBA but rather my MRS.

As nervous and obvious as I was, there was a slight relaxation in knowing that while that chick in the chem lab I passed was furiously typing away on her iphone, I would have a distinct advantage this time around. I don't have a Friday night that is live or die for. I could give a shit about what some dude thinks of me. And I certainly don't need to bother myself with strategies of stealing anyone's boyfriend.

I wanted to walk into the admins office like 'one of them'. But even my perky......um err..... enhancements, couldn't disguise the fact that I am not a first timer. My seemingly cool suv isn't so cool parked next to someones hand-me-down camry. Even in a pair of comfortably worn in Citizens with a frayed hem couldn't make me appear to be fresh out of high school. I started out with a relaxed gate, I weave through a crowd of punk asses screwing away their parents tuition while obviously blowing off a class, I look down and realize the thing separating me from them was twofold. Segregation A was my form of entertainment in a waiting room wasn't creeping someones facebook from my phone, but typing a blog, called 'Smart Ass Mom'. Segregation B was my form of organization was supplied by my Mommy's Busy Life day timer.

It took a leap of faith, which isn't easy in to do in wooden soled boots, but I did it anyway.

And I felt old the entire time.

Which is saying alot as I don't turn 30 until next month (let the bday countdown begin!)

The only upswing is that while I while I was in college over a decade ago, I was too busy to notice all the old folks returning. Let's hope that much has stayed the same.