Sometimes, It's Just To Much.

This whole maintaining a blog thing? Sometimes it gets to be too much.

When I get overwhelmed with laundry, I can grab two tall red bulls and soldier through.

When I get in a rut with my workout routine, I can take a new class or get some CEU's and I always wind up being motivated.

If I feel like I am in over my head with my kids or their behavior, I call up some girlfriends and bounce ideas off of them over some wine. This has never failed me.

But the computer, can really, really defeat me. It's not just the blog, either. It's the whole fucking package. My email inbox with it's 197 unread emails. Most from Facebook for stupid fucking updates about so and so also commented on so and so's update! make me want to throw things.

Yeah, I know there is a notification thing to turn off, but honestly I am so overwhelmed; I don't even want to tinker with it.

My blog needs some revamping, I have a paid advertiser sitting on the side over there --> waiting for me to figure out the code for their button. So, you know, when you click the image it takes you to the website? Me and Blogher Ad network broke up and I need some new ones. But I can't even bring myself to go about replying to the inquires I have, much less verify that those are ads I want to host. Poor NJ Mom's are probably thisclose to firing me for my lack of postings. Which I can't possibly let go, because they made me be able to tell people I write.

(Are you offended that I call this 'writing'?)

I have emails I have flat out ignored, just ask Mr.T. He is so over me and my email ish.

I just can't seem to fit it in right now. I don't know if it is summer vacay. Is it that I feel like super mom because unless I am swamped under a sink of dishes or a serious bathroom bleaching I haven't told my kids to 'wait, not now.' in weeks. It feels amazing, and most times I am able to completely turn it off and give 100% focus on them and whatever game we are playing. However, it is creeping back late at night. When I find myself staring at the ceiling at 3 in the morning. Thinking, 'Self--you are already awake. And you will be until 5:45. Just like last time. Go get something done. You will be tired anyway. Might as well be tired and got some emails answered and floors sweeped.'

But my lazy ass and my giant fear of walking around my house late at night keep me tucked in and watching Nurse Jackie, Weeds, or True Blood on demand. Even though I am all caught up, even though I save the episodes just for these late night rendezvous of anxiety over what I haven't gotten done.

Every single day-from here to the end of July- is booked with guests or traveling. Every.single.one. We have a two week hiatus in August then we are off to Greece for the rest of the summer. Mater of fact, we won't be back until 6 days after school starts. I am great at winding down and turning off while on vacation. My favorite moment is when your ass cheeks hit the airplane seat. I always take a deep breath, exhale to all the stuff that can't be handled now, order a double vodka and let it all go.

However, all I can focus on now is how slow I am moving and who I can ask to accompany me to Costco to do heavy lifting. Damn them for not offering Pea Pod!

To compound all of this, Michael Jackson dies and a week later I haven't heard the autopsy results.

Was it a drug overdose?

Was he injecting tranquilizers?

Why do I care?





I feel better already. Thanks for that.

P.S. I have since turned off all email updates.